Some years back, I discovered that an ‘everything’ toasted bagel smothered in cream cheese and smoked salmon was a breakfast fit for a king. The were a couple of problems with this; the first being we did not have a toaster with slots wide enough to insert the bagel. That was easily enough rectified; a quick trip to a Florida flea market solved that problem.
There was also another more pressing problem; I was mutililating the bagels tearing them apart by hand. It wasn’t long before the bottom of the toaster was littered with castaway crumbs, a fire hazard if ever there was one. We solved that problem with a cheap bagel cutter found at the same flea market. As with most things, however, the old axiom of ‘you get what you pay for’ rang true for our bagel cutter. It broke after a couple of dozen cuts and was put out in the trash. My wife, Susie tried to rescue it with her glue gun but it was no use; that cutter was a goner.
I spent the next several years monitoring the bottom of the toaster, removing the bottom and emptying the bagel crumbs any time the pile got more than 2 fingers high. There was the added danger of having to stick a fork in the toaster slots to loosen any particularly clingy crumbs. I was concerned about electrocution, of course, so I always wore my tennis shoes when performing this task.
It was a very time consuming process. It was not like I had all day to sit around watching that toasterand because of that, we cut back on our bagel consumption rather than risk setting the house on fire. I resigned myself to being held hostage by the bagel makers until yesterday, that is. My daughter-in-law, Michele, was cleaning her cabinets and pulled out a bagel cutter supreme that she offered to me.

Bob the bagel cutter.

Are you kidding me? I’ll take it, in a heartbeat. This precision instrument, whom I have christened ‘Bob’ is the cat’s pajamas when it comes to slicing bagels. As a matter of fact, I could probably take up ear piercing with the point of that blade.

My bagel problem is solved and I look forward to Susie and I living happily ever after.